Don’t Be an Enabler For Your Teenager

You’ve likely all heard the term “enabling” before – it most often applies to the way that loved ones deal with people that have alcohol or drug related problems.  And most of us have likely been enablers at some point.  But it can apply to a lot of the situations we find our teenagers in – including drugs and alcohol.  But it may also apply when they aren’t getting good grades in school, when they are engaging in angry behavior that is not acceptable, when they are showing attitude in the classroom, among other things.

What is enabling?

Enabling is when you give someone an excuse for doing something.  You are basically giving them the power to continue what they are doing or making it easier to do something.  If your teen talks back to the teacher and then the teacher calls you and you tell the teacher that your teen is going through a rough time at home you are enabling them to continue speaking rudely to the teacher.  If your teen is sleeping in everyday and you say that it is because they have a hard time sleeping at night then you are enabling them to continue on the same path.  Enabling someone makes it easier for them to make excuses instead of finding resolutions to problems.

What are some ways that parents enable their children?

One of the ways that almost all parents enable their teens is by buying into the guilt factor.  You may have heard yourself say some of these things:

• If I’d given the more/less money…
• If I didn’t have to work a full time job…
• If we had more family time together…
• If I’d gotten them involved in sports…
• If I stuck to my rules…
• If I weren’t a single parent…

Sometimes as parents we undermine others that are in an authority position in our children’s lives.  Have you ever done these things?

• Interfered with the school’s attempts at discipline
• Interfered with another’s discipline in front of your child
• Blamed another parent for their attempts to reign control in their own homes
• Spoken against another parent’s choices in front of your teen
• Spoken against the law or rules of the school in front of your teen
• Made excuses to teachers, family, friends, etc
• Lied for your teen

Enabling behavior can be very dangerous when your teen’s behavior is concerned.  Teenagers need to learn to be responsible for their actions – not to make excuses for them.  Avoid enabling behaviors by asking yourself if your feelings or beliefs are affecting your responses.  If they are it might be time to start changing the way you respond to your teenagers’ behavior.

published 2 years ago

DMcGaw

731 points